You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
