I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
