dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
