You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
