I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
