just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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