so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
