just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
