my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
