Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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