I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
