70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
