how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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