And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
