I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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