I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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