Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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