working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
