i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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