I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
