Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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