I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
