Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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