you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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