This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
