Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Michael Bay diarrhea
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
