69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
