he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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