i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
