So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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