Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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