Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
