Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
