You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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