It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
