p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i love accidental penises.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
