just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My liver just had a heart attack.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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