Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
