The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
