The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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