Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
