I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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