no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
