I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
