That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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