just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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