i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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