I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
