I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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