Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
