one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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