I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
