you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
