Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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