I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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