I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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