went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
