Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
