I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
