there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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