you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We are two peas in an std pod
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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