Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
