I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
