Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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