You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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