So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
