If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
