we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
