great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
