just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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