Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
