I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
