just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
