I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
