It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
