it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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