I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
