you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
