She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
