I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
