I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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