ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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