that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
