The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
