Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
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